Gluten-free facts, part 2

1.  When you first stop eating gluten, your body will be very confused.  You will likely get hungry all the time.  My suggestion is, for the first week or so (listen to your body!), really up your protein intake.  Don't immediately move to gluten-free substitutions unless you have to because your body will grab hold of them and immediately slow down its processing.  I carried around turkey jerky in my handbag.  Yes, it was super-classy.

2.  Your energy levels will probably hit an all-time low for the first couple of days after leaving behind gluten.  I don't suggest moving to a gluten-free diet when you have a big meeting or when your kids have a weekend full of baseball practices.  That being said, if you look at your calendar and find yourself making excuses for every few days, JUST DO IT.  After the low comes the best all-time energy high you have probably experienced in your entire life.  I swear, I think my eyes were even bigger!  Everyone began complimenting me -- did I lose weight? did I change my hair?  I just took the things my body saw as poisons out of my body!

3.  As far as pasta is concerned, brown rice pastas are the best.  They hold their texture and really hold up to overcooking.  The first time I made baked macaroni without wheat pasta, I tried a mostly-corn pasta.  I cooked it according to the directions, and it was a little soggy.  However, once I added the rest of the ingredients, it didn't hold up.  I was left with a wet pasta mush at the bottom of the dish with too-thick sauce along the top.  It was gross.  I eventually tried again with a brown rice pasta, and it was perfect.  I couldn't tell the difference between it and the wheat version.

4.  In the first part of my gluten-free facts, I mentioned that it's better to make your own sauces.  Honestly, if you have the time, it will always pay off to make any of your own gluten-free foods than to buy them.  I'd say the exception is probably bread because baking bread is not something everyone enjoys or can do.  I don't say that to be offensive.  My first loaf of gluten-free bread was a gluey mess. It made me not want to try again.

5.  Gluten affects everyone differently, not just those with gluten allergies/intolerances and not.  I need things to be handled carefully, using different utensils for my food and to make sure they don't touch.  I need precautions with things that you might never even consider -- even though the crumbs fall through a toaster, all those gluteny crumbs are heating up all over your gluten-free bread!  If you're less sensitive, please be understanding to people who take more precautions than you do.  If you're more sensitive, please be understanding that not everyone has to jump through all the same hoops as you do.  Neither one is doing it to be belligerent, so please don't act as though you know what's best for someone else.

Chronically Me . . . and you . . . and you

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I usually try to focus on the positive aspects (I hear you snorting already) of having digestive conditions.  Sometimes, though, you just get touched that someone else knows exactly what crap you are dealing with everyday.  This comic is PERFECT.  CB always comments -- though he generally forgets by morning -- that, as soon as I get comfortable in bed, I'm up and down to the bathroom.  It's as though my body thinks it has free reign once gravity isn't such an issue anymore.

The biggest "positive" I always keep in mind is that I'm far more in tune with my body than I ever have been.  This is coming from the girl who would always go to the doctor with "I think I have X." "No, no," says Doctor, "I'm sure it's not."  And, lo and behold, it was always X!  Once my IBS started up in earnest, I never really knew what my body was trying to tell me.

I remember last year, a week after all my tests had been done, after all the scopes had been up or down their respective routes, phoning my doctor to ask how long I needed to take the prescribed medicine.  The answer wasn't sugar-coated: "The rest of your life."

The pills in question turned me into a zombie.  I was prescribed 8 of them a day -- 2 when I woke, 2 at lunch, 2 at dinner, and 2 at bed time.  I don't think anyone quite believed me when I said I didn't have the energy to get up to get myself a glass of water.  All I could do was lie there.  It hurt to be hungry, but it hurt to eat.  My mother actually, unfortunately, experienced what I meant when she was prescribed the same pills.  She was told to have 3 a day -- not 8, like me -- and, after the first dose, she felt like she was moving in slow motion and didn't even have the energy to finish her dinner.  She couldn't follow a conversation. (If you're wondering, yes, I did get the gift of gab from her, so it was a particularly difficult time!)  She told her doctor that she would only take them on very bad days.

I finally went to my GP and explained that I could not live like a zombie anymore. We tried another tablet.  I didn't feel like a zombie, but I didn't feel any relief, either.  Another, some relief.  It got rid of the more dull achy pains, but I still had the stabby ones that have dropped me to the floor at times.  Finally, they decided to pair it with an anti-anxiety pill.  Sweet relief!  It got rid of most of the pain!

There was a trade-off, though.  Every day, regardless of how I was feeling, my stomach was swollen.  I was used to swelling off and on, but this was constant.  I was worn out.  I also began to realise that I didn't know what my body was telling me anymore.  I'm sore, but why?  Was it food?  Was it exercise?  Was I simply overly tired?  Was it -- gasp! -- just that time of that day, and it was just going to happen?

I made one of Sydney's Patented Executive Life Decisions and weaned myself off all of my pills.  Are they helpful? Sure, but they don't actually make me any better.  In the long run, they weren't doing anything.  They were making me temporarily more comfortable but also more complacent.  I can tolerate pain.  I can recognise it, acknowledge it, and file it away.  It can frustrate me, but it rarely stops me.

I've been doing remarkably well.  Do I have pains?  Yep, but I think about them less because they are not a worry; they are what they are.  Do I still swell?  Yep, I am still six months fake-pregnant on some days.  Do I have more energy?  On most days, I think I do.  I still get worn down, perhaps a bit easier at times, but I feel like my body is saying You can do it rather than You know, you probably shouldn't.  And, that's the other thing: I can hear what my body is saying.  You could do without eating that food again.  You overdid it on the lifting boxes.  What makes you think you can pull more than your own weight? And, perhaps the most important thing it tells me.  Calm down; you need a rest, but you'll be stronger tomorrow.

I am listening again.